I do have my Vietnamese birth certificate with my mom's name on it from the adoption agency. My dad's name is missing. Many Vietnamese people I have met so far look at me and say that I don't look full Vietnamese.

As a child, you have different opinion on adoption. The questions that I dealt with the most were: Why did my birth-mother give me up for adoption instead of keeping me with her family? Maybe I was not good enough for her? Maybe she just did not want me? I felt rejected by my birth-mother.

Now that I am an adult, I think that my mom has probably done everything in her power to make sure that I get a better life and that I am safe. Unfortunately, I do not have any further details about my family in Vietnam. I am not sure if she was heart-broken over the fact that she had to let me go as a baby but I believe that she did it in my best interest.


2. Growing up in my adoptive family/being different:

Growing up in Germany in a small town was tough. I remember that I always stood out with my black hair. Germans were not very open- minded towards other cultures back in the 70's. If you were not blond and tall, you were treated like an outcast. This is how I felt during elementary and high school. I got to hear racial slurs from a very early age. Other kids used to tease me that I don't look nothing but my blond sister and brother. Kids also had that stupid song for me. I remember part of the song:'Chinese, Chinese, you look like an egg head with cheese.' or they just imitated of what they thought sounds like any Asian language like 'Ching, Chang, Chang.' From rice face to gook eye, I think I have got it all. When I was in my early 20's, I actually had a physical confrontation with drunk skinheads who thought it is so cool to punch me in the ribs.

My loving adoptive family attended a couple of meetings for families who had adopted a child from the Philippines or Vietnam, so we got to know two other families. We also met Vietnamese refugees who applied for political asylum in order to stay in Germany. I never wanted to learn the Vietnamese language because I felt that I had to fit into the German culture. That was the biggest mistake that I have made when I was little. I do regret now that I basically rejected my Vietnamese culture and made no effort at that time to learn about it.

I never got a date in high school based on the fact that guys did not like Asian-looking girls in my town. After high school, I got to know a few guys but always had the feeling that they liked me because I look 'exotic' and not for my personality. To be honest, I never felt beautiful or attractive in any way. That is why I had no fun nor interest in dating. I was just too quiet, shy and did not trust strangers.

When I was 23 years-old, I met a German guy who I had no idea would become my husband. At that time, I had no intention of wanting any relationship. It started really slow that we hooked up as friends. I was surprised that he really wanted to get to know me and listen to what I had to say. I am very blessed and lucky to have met someone who fully accepts me for who I am. He helped me to become more outgoing and outspoken. We also experienced racism in Germany because we are an interracial couple. One guy asked my husband how much he had paid for me. When we first moved to San Francisco, CA, I have never seen so many interracial couples in my life in one city.

I would love to have children one day. It's hard to say if I would prefer to have my own or adopt children. I only have to make sure that my children don't grow up in a small gossip town with lots of ignorant people. They should grow up with a healthy self-esteem and be proud of themselves for who they are. You can only achieve this goal in a diverse community. They also should not have the pressure to desperately fit in like I always tried to. Nobody should ever pick on my children because they look different.

My older sister and brother were and are always loving and caring. You do fight as siblings which is natural, but they never gave me the feeling that I am adopted or not wanted. They fought back when strangers made remarks regarding my Asian appearance. We share a special bond that is a wonderful thing.

I am now planing on visiting Vietnam and studying Vietnamese as well. At this point, I am not sure if I want to meet my birth- family. The family who raised me is my family. On the other hand, I am curious about it. When I was younger, I thought that I would hurt my German family's feelings if I would try to connect with my birth- mother but I do see the importance of it. It would be nice just to thank her.

On a final note: I go to Little Saigon in Orange County quite often and lived in San Francisco. Vietnamese people are always friendly and curious about me. Even though we don't speak the same language yet, they make me feel welcome. I wish I would have had that experience when I was a child. Moving to California helped me to connect with the Vietnamese culture and it would have not been the case if I had stayed in Germany.

Thank you for conducting this research on opinions.In case you have any further questions or need more details, please do not hesitate to contact me.