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I was adopted into a middleclass family. My adoptive father
served in the Vietnam War and my adoptive mother was a housewife. They had two
biological children and later adopted me and another Amerasian boy. They also
sponsored two Vietnamese families. My father would tell me stories of a little
Vietnamese girl who sold peanuts in the marketplace of Saigon. The child wore
tattered clothes and based on circumstances was forced to peddle small items on
the street. He would buy all the items from her each day so she could run off
and play with the other kids. Later, he started buying the girl cute little
dresses to replace her disheveled clothes. But the young girl would return each
day in rags. This continued for about a week until he asked her, "Why don't you
wear you new dresses?" The child told my father that her mother sold the
dresses so that the family could eat. When he returned to the United States, he
decided that he wanted to adopt a baby from Vietnam.
September 9, 2000 was my wedding date. During the planning for
my wedding, I began to think about my missing family. I wished my birthmother
could be with me on my big day. That's when I decided I wanted to find my birth
family. I also wanted to learn my medical history.
In April 2001, I found my birth family with the help of the
internet, foster father, adoptive father and numerous other people. The search
for my family brought me closer to the Vietnamese Adoptee community which
helped support my journey. My relationship with my birth family continues to
evolve and balancing time with all of my families (birth, adoptive, husband's)
continues to be a challenge.
I started a non-profit organization that encourages adoptees
to search with awareness. Through my network of family and friends we will help
Vietnamese adoptees who have any type of information regarding their birth
family. I'm in the process of developing a website and setting up the
foundation. All proceeds will be donated to help rebuild and give support to
hospitals, orphanages and schools in Vietnam.
The non-profit organization, Operation Reunite, offers search
support to help reunite families separated by the Vietnam War. In addition, we
seek to create an awareness and understanding of the Vietnam War era and
present an overview of Vietnamese culture, language, customs, and family
traditions to help make the journey through time and history more meaningful.
Searching for my birth family was not easy. The process stirs
up many issues that are difficult to face. However, I can honestly say that I
wouldn't change one thing about my life. I am proud of my choices and hope to
help others find closure.
What was the inspiration for starting Operation
Reunite?
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During the search for my own birth family, I wished that there
was more available information that helped with the search. I also didn’t find
much that dealt with the multitude of feelings and emotions you go through
during a search and after a reunion. I hope Operation Reunite will help
Vietnamese adoptees all around the world who might try searching in the future
to better navigate the journey.
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How does Operation Reunite work? Is it a search registry or do
you work as a liaison between birth family and adoptee?
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Primarily we work as a resource for Vietnamese adoptees that
have questioned their past and would like to find out more about their origins.
We seek to create an awareness and understanding of the Vietnam War era and
present an overview of Vietnamese culture, language, customs, and family
traditions to help make the journey through time and history more meaningful.
We provide the ideas and imagination for adoptees to start a search on their
own. If they run into road blocks or just don’t have the time to search on
their own then they can contract our services. We work as a liaison between the
birth family and adoptee. It’s kind of like hiring a private investigator to
search for clues about your past. We provide specific questions to reflect upon
and help adoptees to prepare for a possible reunion. Encouragement is provided
to adoptees who might only hear from their families and friends to give up
trying. Post reunion support can also be offered, if needed.
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Do you have connections in Vietnam that will aid the
organization in finding biological family?
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My birth family is fluent in Vietnamese and has friends and
extended families that live in Vietnam and my foster uncle is willing to help
if needed. He actually helped find my own birth family four years ago.
Operation Reunite is planning a trip to Vietnam for the 30th anniversary of the
Fall of Saigon. For the year of the Rooster 2005 we are painting a mural that’s
titled “Awake the Spirit of Vietnam” and reuniting Vietnam with the World.
We’re networking with the Motherland Tours and might be able to work with the
PR firm that handles tourism for Vietnam. I’m also trying to contact someone
from United Airlines to get involved. Our network continues to grow and
everyone wants to help with our efforts. A new project under way is to
advertise in the newspapers in Vietnam and Vietnamese communities in the United
States to create a database for birth families searching for relinquished
children.
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What would you say to an adoptee who believes that finding
their birth family will enable them to have closure?
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There is no guarantee that you will be able to find your birth
family but at Operation Reunite we feel that searching is part of a growth
process. The knowledge of your past and roots is only a chapter in the life of
an adoptee. The sheer act of acknowledging a desire to search can be empowering
in and of itself. Through a search, successful or unsuccessful, an adoptee can
place his or her existence and origins in proper context as a normal aspect of
personal growth. In any case, being deprived of the option to gain knowledge of
one’s origins can be a source of great anxiety and alienation. If you are ready
to look into those chapters of your life and clarify and classify the details
then you might find closure in the hard and sometimes difficult search process.
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In your opinion, what are the positives and negatives of
finding birth parents?
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Finding my birth parents has been a very positive experience
for me and I know that I’ve grown to feel more secure about myself. I just had
a baby boy who loves and adores all of his grandparents, aunts and uncles. On
one hand having more family is wonderful, but having more family makes it more
difficult to balance your time and share yourself and your child fairly. It’s
nice to know that we have more people to rely on during difficult times. I am
also relieved that my search is over and any of my fears can be dismissed. I’m
glad that I can look my son in the eyes and tell him a story about my past and
how I was able to overcome a lot of obstacles to get to the place were I am
now. To be able to share with him our Vietnamese culture and heritage makes me
proud.
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Have you come into contact with many biological parents who
are searching for their children from 30+ years ago?
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My family has two close friends who lost their children during
the Vietnam War. It’s amazing to hear their stories and it dawned on me that
there are probably many other families who had to relinquish children without
knowing how to find them again. Another adoptee that I know was found by his
birth sisters. Your sibling(s) might be trying to find you and they have more
knowledge of the internet and ways to search then you might realize. How do you
prepare for that kind of reunion?
Operation Reunite is working on a project to create a database
for Vietnamese birth families searching for relinquished children. These people
can fill out a questionnaire that might lead to a reunion. The more identifying
information they can provide the easier it will be to make a match. Operation
Reunite is placing advertisements in the newspapers in Vietnam and Vietnamese
communities for the 30th anniversary of the Fall of Saigon. The birth families
can either contact our website with the help of someone who is computer
literate or contact our correspondents in Vietnam or in the United States.
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What warnings or advice would you give an adoptee who is
starting a search?
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Read everything about adoption and reunions and get counseling
help. Contemplating a search reveals core fears of being rejected and the
threat of being alienated from society and family, and the fear of the unknown
that can make you feel out of control. These fears and apprehensions are
further intensified in the searching adoptee because of the perception that he
or she has already been rejected by a birthmother. Consequently, the desire to
search may be discouraged by the anxiety involved in what one may find. A
counselor who is fully present for his or her client provides a safe, trusting
environment in which growth and self-awareness can develop. Mutual trust
enables the adoptee to confront his or her issues in a non-judgmental
environment in which alternatives and outcomes can be weighed without pressure.
The searching adoptees’ journey to self-awareness may be filled with anguish,
anxiety and uncertainty as he or she works toward uncovering defenses he or she
developed in coping with life and the past. The reality of the search process,
not to mention the potential reunion, often uncovers an extensive amount of
unsuspected and unexplored feelings. The decision to search is extraordinarily
personal. No one can, or should, make it for you. Searches take hard work,
patience, money, and energy, not to mention the high emotional risks of facing
an unknown situation. It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone chooses
to search. When I was searching, every so often someone would ask me, “Why do
you have to find these people?” I couldn’t understand the question. How could I
not look? How could I leave those blanks unfilled? I expected people to
understand and respect my motives and needs, at the same time I greatly
respected those who chose not to search. A search is not something to undertake
on a whim, or because someone else wants you to.
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Where do you see the organization in 5 - 10 years?
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We hope to provide valuable information and support to the
Vietnamese Adoptee Community past, present and future. We understand how
difficult it is to make the decision to search or explore your heritage and we
will be a resource for anyone who might be ready to search, now or later.
Operation Reunite’s intentions are pure and we have no malice regarding the
past or situations that brought us to the places we are today. We will branch
out and work with other organizations that want to make life better for people
who were affected by the Vietnam War. Maybe everyone can find peace in a world
that can be a little chaotic at times.
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What is your ultimate vision/goal for Operation Reunite?
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As the world enters the first decade of this century, a new
chapter in Vietnam’s history is opening. With the recent new hotels built and
the direct flights to Vietnam via United Airlines, Vietnam is in the position
for the first time to take its place in the world as a true destination. Our
ultimate goal is to reunite Vietnamese adoptees and the world to Vietnam. We
want to help close the gap that war tore apart and bring peace and
understanding to everyone.
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If someone is interested in finding out more info on Operation
Reunite, who should they contact?
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They can find us on the web at
www.operationreunite.com or
www.operationreunite.org (The launch of the website is scheduled toward
the end of April 2005)
Operation Reunite is a 501(c )3 company and all donations are
tax deductible. Anyone who makes a donation of $50 or more will receive a
t-shirt commemorating the launch of Operation Reunite and help to “Awaken the
Spirit of Vietnam”.
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