How does one find people that are long lost? The first step of the journey is making the initial decision to search. This decision is extraordinarily personal. No one can, or should, make it for you. Searches take hard work, patience, money, and energy, not to mention the high emotional risks of facing an unknown situation. It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone chooses to search. When I was searching, every so often someone would ask me, “Why do you have to find these people?” I couldn’t understand the question. How could I not look? How could I leave those blanks unfilled? I expected people to understand and respect my motives and needs, at the same time I greatly respected those who chose not to search. A search is not something to undertake on a whim, or because someone else wants you to.

Of course, the initial decision to search is only the beginning. Once the decision is made, most searchers are confronted by a perplexing question: Now what? Where and how does one begin to look?

Before you start actively searching, it is wise to spend time getting prepared. This involves planning, research, anticipation, and introspection.

Like most adoptees, when I began to search, I had no idea what to do. My adopted mother gave me my adoption folder when I was about twenty four or twenty five years old. I would cry just holding that file. It took me several years to actually open up the file and read what was in it. Each time I read more and saw additional information that started to spark my investigative skills. It was like unpeeling an onion and crying the whole time. My initial real push to actively search came when I was preparing for my wedding. All the emotions during the planning process make you start to think about creating a family. I wished that my birthmother was there to share that experience and be there for my wedding. I did some things that helped set the preliminary search but kept it on the back burner until I had more time. First, I filed an active search through my adoption agency, Holt International. Of course, I also contacted my adopted family to tell them about my desire to find my birth family. Lastly, I reconnected with my foster family that had relocated to the United States after they escaped from Vietnam.

The first phase is to gather as much background information as possible. There are nine major sources used for research in this phase. These sources are comprised of the organizations and individuals who were involved in the events of your birth and adoption. They include: Your adoptive parents, the hospital where you were born, the adoption agency, the attorney who represented your parents, the courts, foster parents, orphanages, your adoptions file and any newspaper clippings of your adoption.

Cross-referencing occurs after you’ve compiled as much background information as possible. You’re looking for clues that will piece together a big jigsaw puzzle. As each piece fits into place, the picture becomes clearer.

Structuring a search is helpful in many ways. Discouragement will still occur, but the next step to take will already be in your mind. Formulate your own road map for searching. When you have a map to follow, it’s always easier to find your way.

If there were only one single thing I could recommend to every searcher it would be to read. There are many books available on search techniques and reunion experiences. They can be the foundation to success and the key to understanding. Rather than reinventing the wheel, you can benefit from the experiences and insights of others. Create your own library. Then use it. Each book will offer unique perspectives, different approaches, and new pieces of wisdom, leads, ideas and suggestions. Even though we are Vietnamese Adpotees who may have been adopted before, during, or after Operation Babylift, we still might have similar feelings regarding abandonment. The more you know about what you’re doing, the better your chances will be for success. And even more importantly, the more you learn, the more compassion and understanding you will have for every member of the adoption triad, including yourself.